Private Psychotherapy Service
Independent Advanced Personal Psychotherapist
Text:  07761 065 726   [email protected]
Market Deeping, Peterborough UK.
...For Women
Counselling in Peterborough

Julie Morley
Personal Psychotherapy and Stress Consultancy

 Independent Advanced Psychotherapist
Text:    07761 065 726
Email: email_[email protected]
Market Deeping, Deeping St James, Peterborough UK

Sexual Polars

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Is it a mans job to initiate job and what percentage should a man or a woman initiate sex or does it not matter at all?


Today Im talking about initiating sex and who should start it and I want to talk about polarity and attraction between couples.  Sexual polarity has lots of components physical attractiveness but that stuff wears off if you’re in a long term relationship but what does last in terms of sexual attraction is sexual polarity. 



Sexual polarity is the root of the most important impulse between couples.  I had an email from a man who said he initiates sex 90% of the time and is this OK and he don’t feel good about it.  My first response is that she’s probably initiating sex a lot more than he thinks and this is because women don’t initiate sex in the same way as men do, at least not women who are acting from their feminine polarity. The masculine way of initiating sex is to pick your woman up is to pick her up, tickle her, turn her around, kiss her, throw her on the bed and then slowly seduce her.  The feminine way is to very subtlety make it known that she’s available. The thing is, the more subtle a woman is, the more she is acting from her feminine impulse, towards her sexuality, the more subtle her little gentle her invitation becomes.


So what happens for a lot of couples, is that the woman is initiating sex but the man thinks he’s initiating every single time as she’s giving him these subtle invitations on some level and he realises this would be a good opportunity for him to go into seduction mode. (obviously its possible his wife in this case might not be initiating at all and may have lost interest) but when a woman arrives at the point where’s she’s actually sitting on your lap kissing you and nibbling your ear and pulling on your hair and pulling you towards the bedroom,  there’s nothing wrong with that and of course this is a lot of fun for men, but that’s a woman who’s initiating sex, and seducing you from her masculine energy. 


Now all humans have a balance of masculine and feminine inside of them and there’s nothing wrong with a woman coming from her masculine polarity just as there’s nothing wrong with a man being playful in his playful energy and being more receptive.  Anytime a man is on the bottom and letting his woman do the work to make love and really run the love making that she’s leading and in control its delightful, its fun and its delightful to be able to flip back and forth. But the question is, if the impulse is continuously that she’s in her masculine space and yours in your feminine space, and she’s actually getting to the point where she’s actually initiating sex verbally or something, and this is happening to often, what will probably happen, is that the sexual energy will drain from the relationship. 


Typically, there’s a lot of couples who operate in the reverse sexual polarity but in a lot of cases, this is the beginning of the problem, so the answer to this guys email that is it OK if he’s initiating sex 90% of the time, yeah, this is OK and its probably OK if he’s initiating sex 100% of the time and there’s nothing wrong with her taking action or leading but for the most part, its more enjoyable and holds the most sexual tension for the couple is the man does it more often than the woman.


And this doesn’t mean that the woman isn’t initiating sex, as I say, she’s probably initiating in a feminine way and she’s probably getting rejected more often than he’s aware of and that leads me to my final point which is that a lot of times that when a woman makes these sexual overtures and makes it known that she’s available and he’s picking up on that on some level, he then doesn’t do his part of stepping in and leading, more often than not, throughout the course of the relationship, he becomes aware that that she hasn’t been initiating (even though she has on some level) and this makes him feel a little insecure about it and so more and more when he does become aware when she’s in the mood, hell just take her hand and lead her to the bedroom and takes off his clothes.


And most men would say isn’t that what marriage is about, so I don’t have to go through the effort of seducing any more because she’s my wife, sex is just guaranteed’ and this is disappointing for the woman as she’s doing her part, she’s doing her little, I’m feminine I’m available, but he’s not really doing his part and we are ALL guilty of this and its easy to take things for granted and not make the effort to actually be a man and give her that masculine effort to leading her to the bedroom and properly seducing her by making it fun by touching and kissing and working it from wherever you are – from whatever neutral place you are and moving to a more sexual and erotic place and making it enjoyable. 


And in the same way ladies, if you feel like you’re feeling like you’re uncomfortable initiating sex and don’t seem to be, then that’s because when you’ve done it in the past, its begun to rob him of his masculine energy and its become possible to get really expert at these subtle cues of inviting him which is the feminine way of initiating sex and there’s a level of feminine polarity where they’re not only just inviting sex but they’re also coyly refusing sex they’re kind of like ‘ don’t look at me that way’, there’s that sense of becoming not just like, hey I’m available look at me, they’re like, Hey I’m not available to you and that’s such a feminine way and this is enticing to men, it actually it is such a feminine play that it arouses our masculine.